Roommate Wanted

I’m high….again….I figure it’s a good thing. Why you ask? Weed has a way of keeping me out of trouble, mostly by stopping me from consuming alcohol. How does it do that you ask? By gluing me to the couch/chair/floor/desk/table/kitchen counter/bed/toilet, basically, anything I can “get comfy” on.

What happens when I consume alcohol? Well thats a mighty fine question. Have you heard of the Svenny Swagger? To sum it up, you take one part Svenny and mix it with two parts any kind of liquor. shake, then light a joint.

Caution: Side affects may include hitting on other peoples mothers, daughters, and sisters, phenomenal dancing, as well as being a general nuisance to everyone within a mile radius.

So consider yourself lucky that all I do is smoke weed. Now you don’t have to buy that new alarm system, svenny’s all locked up in a puddle of happiness named marijuana.

If, say by chance, I’m already involved with your daughter, sister, or wife, then please read this disclaimer:

Just kidding!!! I tend to make things up, I’m sure I really, really, really love your daughter, mother, or sister. I’m actually a virgin who believes in waiting until marriage and lives with his grandma, shes right here beside me hitting the bong. Wow Nana, thats a huge bowl, do you think you can take all that…Wow, you sure can…oooh thats a sexy cough you got Nana, you must drive the boys crazy. You dont cough for long though do you? Can you say Trooper? Nana? I think Nana has taken her last hit…Nana?…*dials 911*…Oh Nana, it seems only fitting you die puffing on the bonginator 27.

RIP Nana 1900-2008 *stoned circa 1910.

Roommate Wanted

Must have the following qualifications to apply:

A Vagina

Large Breasts

Pretty Feet

Tiny Hands (I like the joint to look bigger)

Iron Lungs

If you meet these qualifications please send photos to svennysvenassi@hotmail.com for pre evaluation. Chosen candidates will all be subjected to a final evaluation which may or may not include vegetables and fruit such as bananas, cucumbers, and pineapples.

**preference given to women who list their favorite smells as 1. Weed 2. The smell of matches and poo 3. Glue

U say Y svenny? I say Y not svenny?

Svenny Svenassi

In the beginning…I rolled down a hill

I wake up, roll a joint, smoke the joint, eat breakfast, roll another joint, smoke the joint, etc, etc, etc, I go to bed. Ive been living this daily routine for 17 years and as a matter of fact I’m smoking a joint right now. It’s some purple kush, ya you’re probably jealous, you should be though because I’m high as fuck. I think weed is amazing, and if you are reading this you either feel the same way or you’re lost, in which case you should just give up….on life….just kidding, stay gold pony boy!

Marijuana is a great and wonderful thing, if you have yet to discover this magical juggernaut of botanical dynamite for the mind, you should run, not walk, to the nearest drug dealer for at least a 10 spot. I’ll be here waiting….What’s that? You’re mom told you to just say no? Well guess what? Today is opposite day, ya that’s right you’re all out of excuses…. Uhhh I mean no that’s right you’re all out of excuses…….

Now that we’re all on the same page ….

This blog will cover my vast previous and present experiences with marijuana, my opinion on topics surrounding marijuana, and generally anything I deem important enough to put on here. Shit, I may even throw in some pics and product reviews just for kicks. First lets start off with a little collection of stories I like to call “Chronicles”, depicting my relationship with the classiest slut around, Mary Jane.

Episode 1: Losing my V card

My First encounter with Mary Jane took place when I was 6 years old. Some friends and I were hanging out at our elementary school, sometime during the summer months. One of our older friends showed up carrying a pen. Innocent looking enough I was about to find out that this pen held my destiny.

There was a lot of talk about weed amongst my friends before this incident, and we were all smoking cigarettes already, so when “The Angel” unscrewed the top of the pen and pulled out a joint no one was overly surprised. She asked if anyone wanted to smoke it with her, we all quickly obliged. I was a bit anxious obviously because I did not know what to expect other than what older people had told us about the high. As we all gathered in a circle atop a large hill lining our gravel field the joint was lit, puff puff, exhale. Everything I thought I knew about pot suddenly went out the window and the facts started flying in.

I felt weird, but in a good way, I felt as though nothing else existed but me, my friends, and the magical lil bugger that made me feel this way. All I could see were bright colors everywhere and smiles on those presumably seeing exactly the same. I tried to speak but the only thing coming out was uncontrollable laughter. I soon found myself lying on the ground, how I got there is unclear, what was clear is that the gravel had come from pillow factories. I look around and my friends are all on the ground as well, and suddenly I felt an urge. This urge was something I had never before encountered, it ate every little peice of my self control, I had an urge to roll down the hill.

I accidentally on purpose started rolling towards the hill while my friends watched in bewilderment. I hit the edge and kept going, progressively picking up speed. All my inhibitions had been placed on hold and I was loving every minute of it. I span and span and span until I hit the bottom, it may have hurt but I wouldn’t know, I couldn’t feel any part of my body. I sat up and saw my friends join suit, I had started my very own revolution.

It was at that moment, sitting on grass made of Egyptian cotton, I realized my destiny had been over written by a ball point pen with no ink.

TO BE CONTINUED……..

Some people say “marijuana affects the memory”. I prefer to think marijuana creates memories.

Svenny Svenassi